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Showing posts with label empathy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label empathy. Show all posts

Making a Proper Apology

I am commenting on and working with the media analyzing apology statements, and speak and write about proper apologies. Making a Proper Apology

If you been reading my work you know I discuss that narcissists don’t feel guilt or remorse for their wrong actions The are just sorry that THEY have to suffer any personal repercussions.

In this case, Clinton gave a public apology to get the public to think well of him. Clinton does not have any empathy for the pain he caused her. And she has suffered for years. He did not take the very simple steps to apologize to the women he harmed and make amends. And he brags about not doing it.

In your life be kind. Do the right thing. Apologize when you have done wrong. There are people you have the right to call out for their bad behavior. If they continue to get away with it, they won’t learn and others will think they can act badly too.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Understanding How Smart, Warm, Wonderful Women Are Targets of Psychopaths

If you truly want to understand how smart warm wonderful women are targets of Psychopaths read the research of Sandra Brown:


“The seminal aspect of the research was in detecting these women's unique and astounding elevated 'super traits' of temperament, personality strengths and weaknesses. These proved to be an amazingly compatible match for the strengths and weaknesses of a psychopath and brought a natural 'balance' to the honeymoon aspects of the relationship.”

“While the uncovering of her innate traits and conditioned behaviors explained much about this dangerous relationship and has brought huge intellectual and emotional relief to the victims, it does not seem to have gone very far in modifying the public misperceptions about psychopaths or their victims. On a recent radio show, after describing the huge elevation of some of the victim's temperament traits and explaining how it could affect her patterns of selection and even tolerance in these relationships, the host said, "That's a crock of crap! You're telling me that a few temperament traits can do that? I don't believe it. She picked him, she stayed, she needs to own it and she was probably abused as a child." These simplistic answers are what have been, and continue to be, at the core of the abysmal lack of public psychopathology education.”

“As mentioned, my research has revealed that women who love psychopaths (and other Cluster B personality disordered individuals) possess rather unique and extraordinary 'super traits' of temperament that make them the perfect target/victim of the psychopath. While the following does not cover all of her traits, these were the ones most highly elevated and were thus likely contributing factors:

Here is the research by Sandra Brown on what psychopaths look for in a romantic partner:

§  Extraversion and excitement seeking (Psychopaths are also extroverts and excitement seekers.)  In other words, these women started out being the least dependent types on the planet!
§  Deep Investment in all relationships (The victim gives great emotional, spiritual, physical, financial investments in any of her relationships, not just the intimate ones.)
§  Sentimentality
§  Attachment – Deep bonding capacity (She has a deep bonding capacity.)
§  Competitiveness – stand ground – not codependent (She is not likely to be run out of relationships – she will stand her ground.  Again, not the co-dependent type at all.)
§  Low Harm Avoidance – does not expect to be hurt (She doesn’t expect to be hurt, sees others through who she is.  In other words, not a person looking to recreate an abusive relationship of childhood.  In fact, more often than not, these women were never exposed to abuse of any kind as children.)
§  Cooperation
§  Higher Empathy – can be genetic
§  Responsibilty and Resourcefulness



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Your Life Has an Impact and Listening for the Pain

I love my neighborhood. We have a neighborhood Facebook page and for a long time one of our neighbors, Lisa, was the monitor and really the "mom" of our page. Responding to questions like, “I need an honest plumber.” “Hey, does anybody know who owns the white corvette that is currently speeding down Superior Ave?” She made sure that we didn’t fall into negative political discourse, that humor was encouraged in posts and good deeds acknowledged. In addition, Lisa also helped create our neighborhood’s little “mailbox library” of donated books, getting our neighbors to build and paint them artistically and managing the books availability. She spruced up our main road bridge and helped guide our neighborhood watch and went to all our neighborhood events. I never talked to her on the phone, and I only met her once face to face, we connected on the page a handful of times but I felt she was an incredible neighbor, the one that kept us sane, happy and connected. Every life has an impact. Sadly, a few weeks ago she passed away at 52. The neighborhood poured out its support, setting up a go fund me page so we could dedicate a bench and bridge in our park to her and to have a ceremony in the park to honor her. I was so touched that she was so loved with messages on the Facebook page from by well over a 1,000 people in our hood. Her everyday actions, her constant support affected us all so positively. Thank the people in your life that like Lisa make a difference. Thank them today. This is an incredible positive part of Lisa’s story. She made a significant difference to so many lives.

Days later we got even sadder news, posted by her family who felt Lisa would want others to know. Lisa committed suicide. We were dumbstruck. We learned that she had horrible fatigue and her health plan doctors couldn’t diagnose its source. We had no idea she was sick. So there is a sad health care story, the internet is not enough story to this but, and there is another story that calls out, the unheard pain story. She offered support for all of us. She helped guide us to all the resources for our problems, and I know I feel that I was not there for her. I am ashamed I was not a better neighbor. This has haunted me. I think about her family, her mom and sister and I think about all of us here in the neighborhood that will miss her.

Now on our Facebook page, there are details of counselors and support groups. The book club that had been closed to new members has opened up so all are welcome. There is a meditation group starting, we supported a neighbor who lost her job. But, there are still voices out there. Voices that are calling and need to be heard. It’s something to think about.  I hate feeling powerless. Some of you know I have recently started writing and recording songs. It is a very healing art. It brings me such bliss! So I wrote a song in Lisa’s memory. The lyrics are not about Lisa her family or about her pain. It’s a gentle reminder to listen. I am listening.

Here are the lyrics to the song.
Ache Down the Line
By Patti Wood
Momma calls its three am, she’s fallen out of bed again,

Nothings broken her bones are fine, but I can hear her loneliness ache down the line.
I pack a bag get on the road, driving through the morning cold.
In her chair when I call again, I can hear her need and fear ache down the line.

God it’s hard, to make do, trying our best struggling through, 

We want someone to hear our crying, hear our loneness ache down the line.

Call my sister when it gets light. Fill her in on Mommas fright.

Baby’s cry’s intertwine and I can hear their distress ache down the line. 
Husband’s left for some blonde, Savings lost, to his bail bond. 
Power bill won’t get paid in time, I can hear her pain ache down the line.

Get to Mommas make her tea, wrap some ice round her bruised knee.

Turn on TV to unwind, ease our loneliness that aches down the line.
We look at old photographs, call back sis try to make her laugh.
Momma asleep call that friend of mine, let my loneliness ache down the line.

God it’s hard, to make do, trying our best struggling through, 

We want someone to hear our crying, hear our loneness ache down the line

Driving home to talk radio, people stories ‘bout love that goes.

He up and left, she drank too much wine and I can hear their loneliness ache down the line.
Voices rise throughout the night, hoping to be recognized.
But in the dark we are resigned to let our loneliness ache down the line.

In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying

In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us Crying
In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying

In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying

In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying
In the dark we are resigned Crying, hear us crying

Hear us crying.


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

14 Signs You Have Great Charisma

Patti shared her insights on Charisma with Marissa of Reader's Digest....Read her insights below:
14 Signs You Have Great Charisma
Do you have a magnetic personality? Find out here.
BY:  Marissa Laliberte
You’re a fantastic listener
You might think people get charisma from their way with words, but a lot actually has to do with what they do when they’re not in the spotlight, says Patti Wood, body language expert and author of Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma. “When you really look at charismatic people, it’s often how they make the other person feel that identifies them as charismatic, which I think is one of the magical secrets about it,” she says. If you act interested in others, they’ll have a better impression of you, which is why charismatic people also happen to be great listeners. Holding eye contact, leaning in, ignoring your phone, and using these other habits of great listeners make the talker feel like the only person in the room,.

 You ask follow-up questions
Active listeners aren’t just waiting to pass the time until they can talk again—they really care about understanding what the other person has to say, says Ron Riggio, PhD, professor of leadership and organizational psychology at Claremont McKenna College and author of The Charisma Quotient: What It Is, How to Get It, How to Use It. “Listening is not just ‘did I hear the sounds going through my ears?’ but ‘can I decode it?’” says Dr. Riggio. “Your talking should be to draw out more information from the other person or for clarity.” Asking questions to make sure you’re understanding correctly will help you understand the other person better and build your own charisma. Avoid making these mistakes of bad listeners.

  You make your voice heard
“Charismatic people are good listeners but also interrupt more to get heard,” says Wood. “But you have to be likable when you do it.” Only interrupt if you have a particularly powerful idea to contribute, and keep it positive—people won’t resent the interruption if you’re complimenting them or boosting spirits. Also, make sure you speak loudly enough to make an impact. Reserved people might have to raise their voices to what feels like yelling to reach a level that seems normal to others. Avoid falling into these annoying speaking habits.
You're willing to show emotion
People with magnetic personalities won’t keep on a poker face when they’re expressing themselves. “Whatever the emotion is, it’s right there on their face and matches the word messaging,” says Wood. They use a big grin when they’re happy, and use angry gestures when they’re frustrated. People like knowing your true colors, so revealing how you feel will help you connect better. Don't miss these other habits of naturally charming people.

You can keep your reactions contained
On the other hand, knowing how to filter your emotions to fit the situation shows charisma. “It’s being authentic as opposed to being transparent, which is everything I believe or feel comes out immediately,” says Dr. Riggio. “Authenticity is regulating that to a certain extent.” No matter how much you’re fuming, for instance, you can contain your anger without making a big scene. Read this to improve your emotional intelligence.

You show empathy without saying a word
Not only do charismatic people show emotion when they’re talking, but they also wear their hearts on their sleeves when they’re listening. Specifically, those emotions are in line with the feelings the other person is expressing. “A charismatic person will not have a big, dumb smile on their face when someone is telling something horrible,” says Dr. Riggio. “Your face shows sadness and sympathy and you may not have to say anything.” The other person will walk away feeling like the two of you really connected. Find out if you have exceptional empathy.

You look cheerful, even when you aren’t smiling
Everyone has a resting face—you know, the one when you’re staring blankly without showing much emotion—but some look happier than others. If yours looks friendly and welcoming, you’ll seem warmer and more approachable. But if you look like you have a grimace, even when you’re perfectly happy, people could be put off, says Wood. Take a look in the mirror. If your resting face looks unhappy, making a conscious effort to change it could give you big results. “When you make small changes to your facial expressions, the way you sit, or the way you stand, it creates a whole cascade of chemicals within your system so you change how you feel,” says Wood. You might find your friendly face creates a cheerful attitude. Try these other little tricks to feel happier all year.

You use big, upward hand gestures
“Up” body language, like holding your head high, turning up the corners of your mouth, and lifting your arms for hand gestures, makes you seem like a happier, lighter person. “You can be a conductor and your body becomes the baton and is bringing the conversation of your group upward,” says Wood. “It makes people feel euphoric and above the norm.” Not only will you look more fun to others, but you’ll also start to feel it for yourself. Those movements create endorphin-like chemicals that improve your mood, says Wood. You can also build trust with these body language tricks.

You hold eye contact without looking creepy
Laser-focused eye contact shows you’re listening hard, which will show you care about what others have to say. But turning it into a stare-down can make the listener feel intimidated or uncomfortable. “It’s intense and just borderline of staring,” says Wood, “but what charismatic people do is they put in not just the power aspect of eye contact but the likability of smiling and nodding.” Don't miss these awkward habits that actually build trust.

You’re good at reading emotions
Adjusting reactions to fit the situation is a skill of charismatic people. But they wouldn’t know how to adapt if they weren’t good at reading between the lines when others are talking. They don’t just look at facial cues, which are the first thing people will try to control when hiding their emotions. “A really good charismatic person is going to look beyond what’s being presented in the face,” says Dr. Riggio. “Look for subtle cues and inconsistencies.” For instance, you might notice that a smile looks forced, or that excessive fidgeting makes a person seem anxious.

You have drawn-out hellos and goodbyes
Spending a long time greeting someone or saying farewell will show you’re genuinely excited to see that person and aren’t just rushing through formalities. “Spend that time and really connect and want to hear about them,” says Wood. “When you make someone feel special, you seem special.” Sprinkle in these magic phrases that make anyone trust you.



You aren’t cliquey
Introducing yourself to people from different generations, backgrounds, and cultures will help you seem charismatic, no matter who you’re with. “The more you get out and interact with people, the more you understand the diversity of people,” says Dr. Riggio. “Not everyone reacts the same way.” You’ll be able to adapt better to different situations without losing any authenticity. Try these mental shifts to improve your sensitivity.


You don’t always keep your hands to yourself
A brief touch—the “safe zone” is from the fingertips to the elbows—when telling someone you enjoyed meeting them or loved their presentation could make you more memorable, says Wood. “It shows warmth and likability and makes the other person feel singled out and special,” she says. Just make sure you follow the etiquette of your office. If any touching is frowned upon, you’ll want to keep your hands to yourself.


You give great visualizations
People will remember what you said better if you leave them with a clearer picture. “I can say ‘this car had this sort of black shininess to it’ or I could say ‘it had a black sheen like a raven’s feathers,’” says Dr. Riggio. “Now I’ve given you a little more to visualize. You’re seeing the raven’s feathers.” Charismatic people seem like more engaging speakers by sprinkling in examples and imagery. These magic phrases will help you nail public speaking.




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Therapeutic Reflection


This is an article on some of the first research discovering mirror neurons. This is one of the most exciting research areas in nonverbal communication, body language and empathy. http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=therapeutic-reflection

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Your High Blood Pressure Can Reduce Your Ability To Read Body Language

Ever wonder why the big boss doesn’t get the pain he is causing you? If he lowers his blood pressure, he might be more empathetic.

Recently high blood pressure has been linked to a decreased ability in reading the facial expressions of emotions. It’s tough for the folks with high blood pressure as well. They just don’t seem to enjoy things as much as their stress free counterparts.
To read more about how high blood pressure effects the brain and its ability to read body language link here. You probably already know this information, but if not it could be very interesting to add to your work.

http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/11/08/8686801-high-blood-pressure-makes-some-socially-awkward


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.